The Homeless Encounter
We have all been there. Walking in to the library downtown or getting gas from the Broadway Exon. The homeless encounter is inevitable.
The thing is.. how do we deal with it.
Do we smile and use the cashless society excuse of "sorry...no cash...all I have is plastic" then shrug our shoulders as if to say...keep it up there gipper, its bound to work on someone today....
My favorite, till this mornings encounter, has always been.... "Hey what time is it".
What time is it?
For real? Late for a conference call? (harsh, I know... he might need to get to the mission or soup line...) From the looks of you... all sprawled out on that bench with Mad Dog 20/20 bottles scattered all around....Shouldn't it be more like.. "Hey what day is it?"
This mornings encounter has surpassed them all.
I was out for my morning walk around downtown and the time is 6:45am. A new route today. Up 2cnd Ave, right on Church and down 1st Ave. This trek is about 1 mile and all uphill till Church St. Great cardio.
The weather and atmosphere are perfect..... Crisp and cool.... No tourists snapping picks of the Wild Horse... I clear my mind for some prayer time and absorb my Nashville.
Then I see him! Poised for the kill.....
Leaning against the wall just past the Beer Cellar. I immediately take the "don't talk to me" posture of staring at the ground, avoiding eye contact with every ounce of energy my morning coffee has given me....
When......
He strikes!
Like a fat kid in dodge ball. I'm pegged!
Here is how it went down.
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Homeless Man - "Hey bud, How are ya"
Me - "Good, man" (without looking up.. walking faster, now.)
Homeless Man - "Let me ask you something"
I pause and turn with my watch loaded to give him the time
Homeless Man - "What if I took out 3 tennis balls and juggled them while reciting Shakespeare to you. Would that buy me a beer?"
WHAT? I'm sorry.... At this point I stop dead in my tracks and a huge smile creeps across my face.
Homeless Man - "Just stand there and think about it"
I'm shocked, entertained and a little flattered as I turn toward him. Know one has ever recited Shakespeare to me before.
Me - "Bro, I can honestly say... I have never heard that one before"
Homeless Man - "So what do you say? That's a good one, right?"
Me - Its good.....But it ain't that good...
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Turning the corner I laugh out loud and head back toward the office.
I must say. I have never had a heart for the homeless..... but then again.... they never offered to recite me poetry.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Youtube
I love youtube... No matter what your interests or what you are trying to learn. Youtube is there to help waste hours of what could be a productive day.
I have learned new and more efficient ways to clean trout and other fish species as well as woodworking techniques, tennis top spin, cleaning a wild turkey in the field and don't get me started on all the gymnastic bloopers. There is just something about watching someone fall while twisting methodically in the air....LOL... always funny!
With all of the education on the web youtube is a quick study. Unfortunately there are some people out there who consider themselves god's gift to a certain subject and they feel compelled to leave comments and tell others how stupid and ugly they are. Its sad, really.
I don't think that I have ever communicated to another human with such a "from Mount Sinai" tone. Seriously! I get the free speech angle... and I'm cool with that.. Its just.. well... they come across as .......hmm....ok.. stupid!
Have you ever read some of these comments?
Next time you happen to stumble upon a random topic and find that you are in way over your head in the Youtube sea. Take the time to read some of these "constructive" comments. You'll be better for it....(wink)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0wpAJMFpJQ
Enjoy!!
I have learned new and more efficient ways to clean trout and other fish species as well as woodworking techniques, tennis top spin, cleaning a wild turkey in the field and don't get me started on all the gymnastic bloopers. There is just something about watching someone fall while twisting methodically in the air....LOL... always funny!
With all of the education on the web youtube is a quick study. Unfortunately there are some people out there who consider themselves god's gift to a certain subject and they feel compelled to leave comments and tell others how stupid and ugly they are. Its sad, really.
I don't think that I have ever communicated to another human with such a "from Mount Sinai" tone. Seriously! I get the free speech angle... and I'm cool with that.. Its just.. well... they come across as .......hmm....ok.. stupid!
Have you ever read some of these comments?
Next time you happen to stumble upon a random topic and find that you are in way over your head in the Youtube sea. Take the time to read some of these "constructive" comments. You'll be better for it....(wink)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0wpAJMFpJQ
Enjoy!!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Little House on the Prairie - lost episode 687 - scene 92
Let me set up this entry......
My buddie "J" and I usually banter back and forth each morning on IM while having our coffee and getting our day started. He is in GA and I'm TN.
I've known this guy for awhile thus the informal greeting which sparks the set up for this some- what disturbing scene from Little House.
---------------------------
Action
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“J”: morning half-pint
me: mornin paw
“J”: go wash up at the creek and get behing your ears! Hurry up, your mother and I need to drop you off at school early. We have to go to town and get some flour at the mercantile.
me: screw you paw.. im sickntirred of you boss'n and yell'n.. i wish I'd never been saved from that farrr on episode 467
“J”: Now half pint, don't crack wise young lady. You will show respect to your elders or I will take Jack to the barn and horse hook 'em by the nostrils.
Me: you always say that when you get mad and momma wont touch your special place... i hate you, paw... i hate you.. I'm gonna tell the wold that you and Mr Edwards are lovers...
me: mornin paw
“J”: go wash up at the creek and get behing your ears! Hurry up, your mother and I need to drop you off at school early. We have to go to town and get some flour at the mercantile.
me: screw you paw.. im sickntirred of you boss'n and yell'n.. i wish I'd never been saved from that farrr on episode 467
“J”: Now half pint, don't crack wise young lady. You will show respect to your elders or I will take Jack to the barn and horse hook 'em by the nostrils.
Me: you always say that when you get mad and momma wont touch your special place... i hate you, paw... i hate you.. I'm gonna tell the wold that you and Mr Edwards are lovers...
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
More than one way to say...................................
I work a 6am - 4:30pm schedule and have found that my brain tends to wake up a few hours after clocking in. Most of my early mornings contain mindless tasks and a quick out and back mile run, to get the juices flowing.
The other day I was having a conversation with a co-worker in the company kitchen. Just the 2 of us scrambling up some microwave eggs and slamming down coffee. Seems pretty normal, right?
The co-worker that I am line cooking with lives an alternate lifestyle. He's a cool guy and I cant say that I have any issues with him.
We were catching up on the weekend topics. You know...Who does your flowers, how do you feel about red being the new brown and how he couldn't believe who Rachel Zoe picked for her new intern on the Rachel Zoe show.
As I was whipping up my breakfast I noticed my hands were splattered with raw egg. I walk over to the sink, noticing that he has cornered himself between the coffee pot, water cooler and sink. With no room for me to access the faucet. Committed on my line toward the sink, This is what I hear rolling off my tongue.....
"hey man, let me squeeze in behind you and wash off". My immediate thought?
... Like he hasn't heard that before.
As you plan your day.. remember. There is always more than one way to say. Excuse me, I need to wash the egg off my hands. Especially in this situation!
Have a great day!
The other day I was having a conversation with a co-worker in the company kitchen. Just the 2 of us scrambling up some microwave eggs and slamming down coffee. Seems pretty normal, right?
The co-worker that I am line cooking with lives an alternate lifestyle. He's a cool guy and I cant say that I have any issues with him.
We were catching up on the weekend topics. You know...Who does your flowers, how do you feel about red being the new brown and how he couldn't believe who Rachel Zoe picked for her new intern on the Rachel Zoe show.
As I was whipping up my breakfast I noticed my hands were splattered with raw egg. I walk over to the sink, noticing that he has cornered himself between the coffee pot, water cooler and sink. With no room for me to access the faucet. Committed on my line toward the sink, This is what I hear rolling off my tongue.....
"hey man, let me squeeze in behind you and wash off". My immediate thought?
... Like he hasn't heard that before.
As you plan your day.. remember. There is always more than one way to say. Excuse me, I need to wash the egg off my hands. Especially in this situation!
Have a great day!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I never would have thought!
I am seeing life through a new set of eyes, now that I have kids. Stepping on toys as I walk down a dark hallway at 5 am. Whats that smell, brings a whole new fear or the unknown and I cant even begin to tell you whats on prime time TV. Taking a drive in the car is a form of "getting away".. you know.. cause the kids are strapped in the back seat and you don't have to worry about them... Sigh... sweet serenity.
Its easy to think of my relationship with the wife as tag team partners in a WWF Cage Match. Door bell rings, dogs go crazy, kids start crying because the dogs are barking. TAG! The other parent dives in for the battle of sanity. I love it!! Yeah, its tough at times but what a pay off. Nothing like a hug and hearing that little voice say they love you.
At any rate....
I never would have thought that hearing the words "daddy, I pooped" from the bathroom would bring me as much joy as an Alabama win over Auburn.
Its easy to think of my relationship with the wife as tag team partners in a WWF Cage Match. Door bell rings, dogs go crazy, kids start crying because the dogs are barking. TAG! The other parent dives in for the battle of sanity. I love it!! Yeah, its tough at times but what a pay off. Nothing like a hug and hearing that little voice say they love you.
At any rate....
I never would have thought that hearing the words "daddy, I pooped" from the bathroom would bring me as much joy as an Alabama win over Auburn.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Its going to be a good day
Let me paint a picture for you.
The air is starting to get that early morning nip and its a little darker for my wake up time. The alarm goes off and I get out of bed, nothing short of a miracle. The world feels right.
Hop in the car. I'm on empty! No worries.... I'll swing by the corner gas station for a quick $25 worth. After all, it would be a shame to waste the on time wake up. Standing in the morning air, goofy God is good smile on my face. I notice that I am getting close to my $25... wait for it.......... wait...... almost there....... NOW!
Releasing the handle. Its dead on. YES! That's right.. SWEET! Who's the man.....
The station attendant does a general lee slide over the counter towards the door, confetti majestically fall from the sheet metal above and my name is announced on the PA while the radio plays U2 - Bullet the Blue Sky.... Sigh!!! Life is good!
The air is starting to get that early morning nip and its a little darker for my wake up time. The alarm goes off and I get out of bed, nothing short of a miracle. The world feels right.
Hop in the car. I'm on empty! No worries.... I'll swing by the corner gas station for a quick $25 worth. After all, it would be a shame to waste the on time wake up. Standing in the morning air, goofy God is good smile on my face. I notice that I am getting close to my $25... wait for it.......... wait...... almost there....... NOW!
Releasing the handle. Its dead on. YES! That's right.. SWEET! Who's the man.....
The station attendant does a general lee slide over the counter towards the door, confetti majestically fall from the sheet metal above and my name is announced on the PA while the radio plays U2 - Bullet the Blue Sky.... Sigh!!! Life is good!
Naming the blog
I never knew how difficult it would be to name a blog... After all there tons of them out there and some that are really worth reading. A few of the names I wanted to use were already taken. Turns out I am not the only genius wanting to put all his thoughts and antic dotes on the World Wide Web.
Here are a few of the names I had on the list. I must admit I was shocked to see that they were taken.
Verbal Vomit
Thought Puke
Nude Thoughts
It hurts to be this funny (just kidding..)
Man.. I really liked Verbal Vomit.. It just has a ring to it.
Here are a few of the names I had on the list. I must admit I was shocked to see that they were taken.
Verbal Vomit
Thought Puke
Nude Thoughts
It hurts to be this funny (just kidding..)
Man.. I really liked Verbal Vomit.. It just has a ring to it.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Intro and random thoughts
My name is Joe? lets go with that... and I really feel like i need to get all this crap out of my head and filed away somewhere... not cause I dont have a life.. I'm just tired of everyone not knowing how freaking funny I am....lol.. see.. right there.. man...lol
For real, though.
I have the normal stats.... 2 kids 2 dogs 1 wife, sorry to disappoint, mortgage and all the life that goes with aforementioned list. OK.. were good? good.
My first post.................................................................................................................................................
a few rules to follow for the office...
Thats what she said... yeah, its funny but not every daggum time...... geesh
don't role your boogers and fling them under your desk
when warming up your lunch in the break room and someone says hello.. and you reply with...Howllo! then try to explain that you just said how are you and hello at the same time.. which gives the death cricket sound of silence??? yeah.. just did that to my HR director.. it was awesome.
raising your hand in a meeting when they say... Are there any questions?
NO! there are not any questions you freaking idiot. If you have a question it pretty much means you should have been listening... cause.. yeah.. they most likely covered it.
Wash your hands..
Don't come out of the stall and walk out of the door as if the fire alarm was blaring... WASH YOUR HANDS!!!!!!! Or pretend to, for my sake?
Go to lunch with your boss.
Doesn't matter if you can do his job and yours in a 25 hour work week. always good to be on a "nod" term with the boss (for those that complain to much and cause HR issues.. that's when you nod your head at the boss and they nod back.. acknowldging that they are in charge......)
Cube walls are not load-bearing walls for goodness sake!
Go to a conference room to yell at your ex-husband, that still lives with you. Yes we know... he has a night job so that he can watch the baby, that you tricked him into having.
We dont want to hear that or the fact that you are ovulating.... Seriously!
Stay tuned for further advenstures from my head.
For real, though.
I have the normal stats.... 2 kids 2 dogs 1 wife, sorry to disappoint, mortgage and all the life that goes with aforementioned list. OK.. were good? good.
My first post.................................................................................................................................................
a few rules to follow for the office...
Thats what she said... yeah, its funny but not every daggum time...... geesh
don't role your boogers and fling them under your desk
when warming up your lunch in the break room and someone says hello.. and you reply with...Howllo! then try to explain that you just said how are you and hello at the same time.. which gives the death cricket sound of silence??? yeah.. just did that to my HR director.. it was awesome.
raising your hand in a meeting when they say... Are there any questions?
NO! there are not any questions you freaking idiot. If you have a question it pretty much means you should have been listening... cause.. yeah.. they most likely covered it.
Wash your hands..
Don't come out of the stall and walk out of the door as if the fire alarm was blaring... WASH YOUR HANDS!!!!!!! Or pretend to, for my sake?
Go to lunch with your boss.
Doesn't matter if you can do his job and yours in a 25 hour work week. always good to be on a "nod" term with the boss (for those that complain to much and cause HR issues.. that's when you nod your head at the boss and they nod back.. acknowldging that they are in charge......)
Cube walls are not load-bearing walls for goodness sake!
Go to a conference room to yell at your ex-husband, that still lives with you. Yes we know... he has a night job so that he can watch the baby, that you tricked him into having.
We dont want to hear that or the fact that you are ovulating.... Seriously!
Stay tuned for further advenstures from my head.
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